my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
