Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
