yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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