Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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