that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
