your parents love me but you hate me
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
