Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
whose parrot is this?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Congratulations! We have a period
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
