whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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