Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
