I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
