just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I want her autograph on my taint
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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