Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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