Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
