I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
