u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Terrible idea I love it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
