Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i don't like sucking hair
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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