How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
ttyl tear gas
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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