Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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