Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
