Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
