wanna go halves on a baby?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Small penises have feelings too.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
