operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
