eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
