Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
