Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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