She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
