Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
