my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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