dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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