i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
