I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
