Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
