I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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