I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
