Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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