don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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