After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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