we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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