So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
