he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
