he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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