the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I want to fling myself into the sun
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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