A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she pinky promised me she was 18
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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