she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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