Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You need a sexual gate keeper
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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