i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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