I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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