don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
