sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
