They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
3pm strippers are depressing
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
