I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
