yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
